Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
