Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize