when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
