Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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