You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
