Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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