Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
