It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
