so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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