I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
