I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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