party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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