u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
