My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
