Is it because I queefed?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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