I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
