1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
