Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Is Oprah even human
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
