You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
