# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
