Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
