oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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