ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
