She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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