im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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