4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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