so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Can I color on your dick again?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
