R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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