New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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