Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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