Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
