There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
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