All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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