Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
