why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
