i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
