took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
