i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
