Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
