Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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