I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
