thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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