Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
