I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
