i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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