What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
