Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
