You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
