If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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