I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
