if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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