my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
