her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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