I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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