Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
