can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
