everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
