Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
