Do you still have your period?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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