If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
