Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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