I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
