I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
