its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
