I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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