Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
