I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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