My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
