It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
