Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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