clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize