Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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