I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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