so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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