I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
