I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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