I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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